Invader

Reports of adolescent girls turning over minivans in the suburbs.

Congratulations, Storm.

When you live in a town as title-deprived as this one (the Sonics, Seahawks, and Mariners have, in a combined 93 seasons, won all of one championship), you take whatever you can get.

Basement-Dwellers for Bush

The Seattle P-I has this thrilling exclusive:

Politically, the Mariners bat from the right.

In a completely unscientific poll with a margin of error of 100 percent, we polled Mariners who are U.S. citizens and were handy, and asked who they supported for president. The results: Bush 13, Kerry 2, undecided 2.

Is it really a surprise that a bunch of underperforming millionaires who only work six months out of the year support the President?

Anyhow, the article also contains this priceless bit of humor:

"I think about what happened on 9/11, and I think about what would have happened if Al Gore had been in charge," said reliever J.J. Putz, who hails from the important swing state of Michigan. "This country would be in shambles."

Your last name says it all, J.J.

We're Number 29!

Congratulations to my beloved Mariners, who today cemented their status as the second-worst team in Baseball by completing a three game sweep of the worst team in Baseball.